“Desire more, fear less. Fear more, desire less.”
“I have to get in touch with my feelings even though they may seem senseless”
Oh how I get the best quotes from her. Haha :]
My fav blogger is back and she’s madddd. Her posts are meaningful (unlike mine) and they make sense. This will probably be my most meaningful post because I will be talking about a blogger that has anxiety problems (as she says). I only hope I don’t ruin her meaningful insights in life by talking about how I reflect to it. 😀
Her recent posts are about how her break up with her boyfriend is affecting her and her life. I tried to convince myself that I don’t need to read those because I’m over my past but I failed. As always, curiosity overlaps the limitations I’m trying to imply. And now you’re reading the words of a girl that had just traveled exactly 12 months ago. Last year was horrible. In my sixteen years of living, last year was just the worst. “The reason why I’m like this is because I lost myself to someone I love.” Completely lost. Like I couldn’t even remember how I was before, couldn’t remember who I am right now and that just messed how I wanted my life to be. For that whole year, I suffered under savage thoughts and memories along with some helpful i-think-i-still-love-you-but-im-not-sure-idk-idk-idk signs from my ex. It was massacre, I was killed twice the deaths in the Rwandan Genocide. lol forgive me i just want to include what i learned yesterday haha! But it was a great lesson. I remember two months ago when I was just starting to like this senior student in my school, I asked myself if I was ready to love. The next day while I was on my way home, I said to myself that I will never love again and then I stopped for a minute, in the middle of the road, 😀 looked up and then I looked down and then I started laughing. The next time I fall in love, I’ll love deeper. I don’t care if it eventually leads me to a broken heart, literally torn in half with a knife stabbed in my chest. It’s either I love with all my heart or I don’t love at all. I will never love like how my friends told me “Dapat kasi wag sobra, dapat yung tama lang. Para kapag naghiwalay kayo, di ka magsusuicide” Butterflies lang ang nagsusuicide, e cockroach kaya ako >:b
Well that was a fun time travel. Reading her posts made me remember my days before but it also made me realize how strong I am right now. It’s just not scary anymore. I am fearless once again!
Okay now, ex is ex, and ex means former. We were nothing but friends before. It’s a former friendship, nothing more. =)))) I am not trying to deny that we had a thing for each other okayyyy, it’s just… Haha! First love is first love but really that was definitely not a relationship.
I know I was a drama queen before, but now I’m just a princess in love. Ever since we got here in Canada I’ve been changing my views, beliefs and feelings. Change is good. I left everything in Philippines and now I’m starting a new life and I don’t want my past to mess this up. I’ve been really patient, I’m not rushing into love. I’m not waiting either. I’m just breathing and enjoying life. ♥ I’m pretty sure my fav blogger will find herself again, get back to track and start running but for now, she just has to enjoy the pain while it’s there. And I just have to enjoy her writings about death, changes, fear and desire while she’s still in it. Oh she’s the bestest haha! ♥